BY STEVEN E. LURIE

Being out of work and in a job search is inherently stressful.

There’s nothing in that statement you don’t already know. Yet most job-hunting stress is self-created, unnecessary and, with some effort, controllable. Here are some typical sources of self-induced stress followed by ways to reduce it and make the search a more manageable experience. These techniques have been used successfully by people I’ve counseled individually and in outplacement programs.

The source of stress is presented first, followed by the remedy.

1. Lack of structure. With little or no formal structure and external organization, there is the danger of becoming easily discouraged, feeling aimless and lost, procr-

astinating and feeling overwhelmed by the myriad details that inevitably pile up.

Structure your search from the start. Develop a business plan. Decide on long-term goals and short- term objectives. For example, a long-term goal might be to develop a list of 75 well-placed contacts. The short-term goal might be to establish 15 contacts by the end of the second week. This should be transferred to your daily list of things to accomplish. Develop an easy system for tracking your activities (calls, interviews, letters, meetings, research, etc.). Your follow-ups should be readily apparent by glancing at your paperwork. There’s no reason the search needs to be any less structured than your job. Establish a system and game plan as early in the search as possible.

2. Lack of focus. Moving in too many directions at once can be both discouraging and draining. Of course, there are times when it’s appropriate to work on two tracks simultaneously. Determine clear but flexible job objectives as early as possible. It’s much easier to mobilize your energies effectively once a focus has been established.

3. Unrealistic expectations. If you harbor unrealistically positive expectations, you’re almost guaranteeing unnecessary disappointment and a feeling of failure when these expectations aren’t met. Especially vulnerable to distortion are the time it takes to land the right job; the hours per week necessary to conduct a search; and the response rates from ads, recruiters, agencies and contacts.

Learn as much as possible about the real facts concerning the search. Be realistic about what to expect. “Forewarned is forearmed.” Knowing what other people have experienced in the search will render your disappointments more common and less damaging to your self-esteem.

4. Spouse having unrealistic expectations about the job search process and what it involves. It is essential that you educate your spouse about the job search process. Expectations that you will be available to do more chores or spend more time with the family because you’re out of work can generate a good deal of stress. Be specific about how long a search can be expected to take and the number of hours necessary each week to conduct a good search. Share your private feelings about being in this period of transition. Discuss how you would prefer your spouse to handle friends or relatives who bring up job issues. The better you educate your spouse, the less stress for both of you.

5. Unclear or untrue “exit statement” (what you tell people about why you are looking for another position and what your present situation is). Carefully think through your exit statement and make sure your human resource manager agrees to back up your statement if called by a prospective employer. Write it out and memorize it. If you’re not comfortable with the statement, you’ll tend to have an underlying tension whenever you meet new people (hoping you won’t be asked why you left). Be comfortable with it and consistent in what you tell people. The truth is always best.

6. Narrowly defining success as “finding a good job.” Naturally, a successful job search culminates in finding a job that is right for you. But when you equate “success” exclusively with finding a job, you set yourself up for feeling like a failure every time you go home at night without a job.

Instead, define success in terms of meeting the short- and long-term goals and objectives you set for yourself. You are successful and deserve a pat on the back for calling your quota of 15 people for the day (some of whom you may dread talking to). Reward yourself for obtaining your objectives, i.e., buying that new shirt or engaging in some other enjoyable activity.


7. Dwelling on what you can’t control instead of doing what’s within your control. “Why didn’t I get a call back from that company? . . . Why did I get singled out to lose my job? . . . Why didn’t I say something else when the interviewer asked me that question? . . . I cannot believe they chose Al and not me for that position.”

Dwelling on the “what ifs.” What if I never get a job? . . . if they don’t like this thank-you letter, interview, resume? What if they hear negative rumors about me, etc.?” Dwelling on negatives outside your control is a waste of time. When you imagine the worst, your body reacts as if there were a real stressor, bringing about stress symptoms. Dwelling upon negatives you can’t control also distracts you from the thi-

ngs you can control. Some people find it helpful to use a piece of paper divided into two columns—the left column is titled “Things I Can Control,” and the right “Things I Have No Control Over.” When you find yourself dwelling on negatives. write them down in the right column. Then write down all of the things you can control to solve the problem.

8. Allow one opportunity to dominate your mental/physical energy. There’s nothing more stressful than waiting at the phone for the big call and it not arriving.

Always have several irons in the fire. If you think you’re hot on one or two job opportunities, don’t sit back and wait. (That’s dwelling on what you can’t control.) Strike while the iron is hot. Keep up the search as if you have no real prospects. (Developing new opportunities is something you can control.) As many have experienced, there are no sure bets, so don’t set yourself up to be burned by allowing any one opportunity to dominate.

9. Equating self-worth with whether or not you have a job or whether or not you get a particular job offer. This is an incorrect assumption that most people make (consciously or subconsciously) which leads to feelings of shame, embarrassment and low self-esteem. It’s amazing to see how after receiving a job offer, some people suddenly hold their heads up high and feel proud again. It’s as if the employers have magical powers to make a person into a worthwhile human being just by offering him or her a job.

10. Selling yourself as someone you’re not because that’s what you think prospective employers want to hear. While presentations that emphasize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses are what you should strive for, be true to yourself. Once you present yourself as someone you’re not, you make an implicit statement that you’re “inferior” to the person you’ve created. This serves to diminish self-esteem. It also accepts the false assumption that who you are isn’t good enough simply because you’re out of a job!

11. Lack of precise and realistic financial planning. Like it or not, realistic financial planning through the transition sets the stage for realistic solutions and budgeting. In an effort to deny that the job loss is real, this financial inventory check is often put off, creating underlying insidious stress.

12. Confusing the process of getting assistance through networking with helpless dependency.
Many complain that they have too much pride to ask people for a favor. In fact, networking is just the opposite of dependency. It represents independence. The networking process requires a self-starting, self-respecting attitude. Through networking, you expand your choices and opportunities. You can control your search. You put the ball in your court and determine where to hit it next.

Mr. Lurie, a psychologist, is president of Lurie Executive Development Inc., a New York-based firm that specializes in executive interpersonal development.